I’ve been thinking a lot about ‘the process,’ lately.How it is really the process which is the goal. Not necessarily the end result.
It seems like all I ever talk about these days are boundaries and rhythm. These are important issues to me. Very important. In fact, when it comes to boundaries, it is extremely challenging to learn to manage those persons in life who are not so great at holding boundaries for themselves…or for those people around them.
In light of feeling ‘taken advantage of,’ times when I have ‘taken advantage’ have become clear and distilled. It is not only communication which is important to learn, but also how to right my wrongs and seek repentance where necessary and how to actively apologize to others–for humility’s sake. For their sake.
It’s a beautiful life we are living. And this is, indeed, important work.
Thoughts on change::last night I was stretching in my gently lit living room with a roommate. All was still in our house, except for my heart. There always seems to be this tension. But it became transparent when a thought came crossing through the pathways of my crazy-road-map mind. It was like a banner–all filled with colors, and loudly proclaiming “Just Let Your Body Be.”
Just let your body be where it is. Just let it be inflexible, dry. Hungry and wanting. Waiting. Whatever. Just let your body be where it is. To many, the parade may have stopped here. For me…it was just the beginning. The unicorns and pink, fluffy skirts started marching in, just then. It was then that I realized, if I should give myself permission to ‘be where I am’, to ‘take time to learn and practice and grow’, to ‘enjoy the process of change’, then I might just find myself giving others permission to do the same. Seriously, fairies were throwing glitter.
I have this disease. It is that self-criticism disorder. The one where you just blame others for your problems because you are too stressed-out about all that you see yourself ‘fail’ at or, ‘too slow’ at that you just can’t be at peace with yourself until someone else is found to be at fault. Silly human.
So, if I can let myself be. And I can let others be. Then perhaps I can understand that mysterious thing Peter wrote,
The Lord is not slow to fulfill his promise as some count slowness, but is patient toward you, not wishing that any should perish, but that all should reach repentance.
If the Lord isn’t slow, perhaps then the progress which seems to be ‘lacking’ in myself and in others, is indeed not lacking…and perhaps….not even ‘slow.’ Perhaps we are just as we ‘ought to be right now, because God is not slow in our lives. Ever.