Change

“You tell a story because a statement would be inadequate.” ~Flannery O’Connor

…I am not sure of who this Flannery dude or gal is or whether or not they are to be trusted to fill this tiny space in my life.  But I stumbled upon …was given this quote on this not-so-usual afternoon, and so, I will listen and share.

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I noticed yesterday that the rhythm of my days have shifted and feel so unfamiliar.  I now have class in the morning and work in the afternoon.  There is this odd flurry of activity in our house as we make the necessary shifts for various Comings and Goings.  What’s even worse is this sense of fear.  It’s me.  It is totally me.  I am afraid of getting sick.  For some unknown reason, I am afraid of dying of the flu.  I am afraid that we, in our sinfulness, have bitten off more than we can chew, and are ham-string-deep in the changes of a world being brought to justice.  It is a glorious and long-overdue change.  But it feels so much like we are spinning out of control, which is both sad and sobering.

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You tell a story because a statement would be inadequate.

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I was inhaling deeply the soulful and earthy scent of the co-op, today, when I came to a realization.  My fear is rooted in religious bull-crap.  It is the fear of being wrong.  I [hopefully] desire nothing more than to please God.  I desire nothing more than to be intimate and ‘hemmed-in’ to his presence, to be so near to his heart.  My fear is that somehow his mercy would give out, that I would lose my opportunities to be forgiven, to change.  Furthermore, my fear is validated by the reaction of the church to the process of change.  When a person comes with a new and vibrant understanding of the work of Christ, it can be destructive and oppressive for the church to either silence or condemn them.  I fear this, greatly.  I am scared of how people of the church will react to me as I share life and share what I discover in my daily explorations.

You tell a story because a statement would be inadequate.

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As I’ve learned to pace myself through my days, I have witnessed the stark contrast to the dangerous pace of 21st century life.  I know, I know.. To each his own.  As for me, however, I thrive with intentional rhythm and a thoughtful pace.  I am able to wake up, Alive!  To walk outside and feel the freshness of the earth which is our God-granted vessel of sustenance.  Slowness gives me the opportunity to think and feel, to give thanks and to stay engaged in my activities, though their quantity could be counted only on one hand.

You tell a story because a statement would be inadequate.

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My daily explorations have led me to this place and this time, to this understanding and way of life.  I believe it was founded by obedience, necessity and provision.  I believe that my fear of being wrong can be warred against by utilizing my words and talent and dance to SPEAK this story of my life, in lieu of being wasted with justifications and empty reasonings of why I might learn what I learn.  If I wanted to do anyone a favor, especially my omnipotent and omnipresent Teacher, I would drop the fearful resistance and simply follow.  He knows where to direct my attention and what resources are most valuable and useful to me at a given time.  He has given me the tools to keep honing my skills of discernment and of attentiveness, of intuition and intentionality.  He is the sacred Father whose words alone bring life and healing.  Not even the teaching, the learning, the process or the climb can bring such satisfaction as one moment in his love.  Not one teacher has the capacity to compare to his infinite wisdom.  Not one phrase or verse of song can stand against the value of the weight of his glory.  He is beautiful and worthy of following and our fully abandoned trust whether in the joy and perfection of the climb or in the fog and unknown of the learning process.  He is constant.  My Father’s hand is strong to lead me ever forth.

DSCN0050The people were saved by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony.

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You tell a story because a statement would be inadequate.

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Inhabit your story.

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